Trualta Spotlight: Darci Henry – Care Coach
All I have to do is close my eyes to smell the leather, fresh cut hay, and Mentos. I can vividly remember the volunteer corn growing out of the bed of his truck, his barrel-chested laugh, and a John Deere hat perched atop his head. I hold these memories of my grandpa near and dear to my heart. But in a quiet corner of my mind, I also remember the extended hospital stays, the heartache, the stress, and the excruciating decisions that had to be made during his illness and up until his death. After a cancer diagnosis, followed quickly by complications related to congestive heart failure, my mom and I found ourselves waist deep in caregiving for a man we always thought to be invincible. Almost overnight, we became an intergenerational caregiving team.
The days were long, filled with driving to appointments and treatments, caring for his house, helping with his finances, managing his medications, and sorting through the labyrinth of paperwork that comes with managing someone else’s affairs. But it wasn’t just the practicalities of caregiving that defined our journey. It was the time we spent together, the laughter and tears we shared, and the way we all worked as a team that became ingrained in our memories.
Eventually, the weight of my grandpa’s illness became too heavy to bear at home so he transitioned to a nursing home for more specialized care. This decision was not made lightly, as it was not in the original “plan” we had created for him. One thing we learned very quickly as we navigated these uncharted waters was that you always have to be willing to change the “plan.” We pivoted and carried on, visiting him every day, ensuring his needs were met, and fiercely advocating for him until the moment he passed away.
Our caregiving path was not easy. It was fraught with challenges and uncertainties. We made mistakes. We also did the best that we could with the information we had available and the circumstances we were faced with. And that was good enough. We also learned invaluable lessons and I would like to share a few of those lessons with anyone who finds themselves in a caregiving role.
Preparation Is Key
In the whirlwind of a health crisis, having essential documents in order such as a power of attorney and living will can alleviate immense stress and ensure that your loved one’s wishes are honored. We discovered firsthand the peace of mind that comes with knowing we were equipped to make decisions and act on his behalf legally and with clarity and confidence.
Keep a detailed journal
This emerged as another indispensable tool in our caregiving toolbox. We kept a basic spiral notebook with my grandpa at all times. Whoever was with him at any given time would document dates, times, events, medication changes, appointments, reports from the doctors, falls, even changes in his eating and sleeping habits. It became the source of truth during a time when everyone was tired, stressed, and unable to recall the details of the prior days that all seemed to run together. The notebook also facilitated communication between my mother and me and empowered us to collaborate with the medical team, ensuring no detail of his care was overlooked.
Take care of yourself
It’s all too easy to become overwhelmed by the demands of caregiving, but we realized that acknowledging our limitations and taking breaks was not a sign of weakness but an act of self-preservation. Asking for help when needed allowed us to recharge and show up as the best versions of ourselves for him, whether it was taking turns at his bedside, asking a friend or family member to help us out, or relying on paid caregivers or a nursing facility to fill in the gaps.
Change is inevitable
Despite our initial intentions, my grandpa’s transition to a nursing home became an unavoidable reality, definitely a poignant reminder that life often unfolds in unexpected ways. Embracing our ability to be flexible enabled us to navigate new challenges with grace and resilience. Recognizing that your ability to evolve and adjust is a testament to your strength as a caregiver!
Reach out
Don’t be afraid to ask questions or request clarification. Seek out support and information. Educate yourself by learning care skills, joining a support group, or reading about important documents. Reach out to community based organizations that can provide support, encouragement, and education. You don’t have to weather this alone. Building a support network offers the most effective means of delivering optimal care for your loved one while safeguarding your own well-being in the process.
As I reflect on my time as a caregiver, it is easy to get caught reliving the nightmare in which I felt helpless, ineffective, and stressed to the max. Then I remind myself that those couple of years were just a chapter in the story, not the story in its entirety. A friend of mine once told me to look for the common themes and hold fast to that which is steady in the story of life. Look for things that stay true no matter what like my grandpa’s big personality, our family’s dedication to caring for each other over the years even when the roles were reversed, finding humor in everything we do, and the hat…don’t forget the John Deere hat. Those themes span across generations, offering me comfort when I reflect on what we all endured together.
After my caregiving experience, or roller coaster ride if you will, I found myself interested in pursuing the idea of supporting caregivers through a professional lens and I landed right where I belong as a Care Coach with Trualta. Now I spend my days supporting caregivers across the country, providing resources, education, tips and tricks, and a listening ear to those in the trenches of caregiving, a familiar place for me. I want the theme of my story to be that I make a positive impact in caregivers’ lives, helping each one I interact with have better days.
